How will you respond?

There’s a young lady I’ve grown to know over the past 3 months or so. She’s an all around cool person, usually in good spirits.

The last time I spoke with her she wasn’t in good spirits. She said something that bothered me. I greeted her as always asking if she was alright. Her reply was, ” No, it seems when I try to take two steps forward, I get pushed back 3 steps.” My response was, “Keep pushing.”

My friend then said, “It may be better for everybody if I were dead”. This time I did not respond, instead I prayed for her, because it seemed she was in “pity party mode”. Been there, done that.

As the day went along, I began to reflect back to a time when the same words came out of my mouth.

One of the times I  adopted a character and personality that was me but wasn’t me. Which led to hanging with the wrong crowd of people. Don’t get me wrong, they were good people, just not the people who I needed to “Vent” with during my time of despair.

It seemed to be a good idea at the time, to hang with people who were in “The Struggle” like me. We would go on and on about all the trials and tribulations we had. The people who got on our nerves, pissed us of to the point where emotions would take over and a few choice words were said. Spilling our guts, business all out in the street, and plenty of pity parties.You know the ones, Oh, Lord why Me? My mindset said, “Yea they feel me”.

Sometimes we as people lean on the same kind of approach to rough times not realizing that that’s the problem.

I realized, there will be no resolution if I continue to think, act, talk and hang with the same old same old. Staying, promoted negative thoughts and behavior. A lot of times the people we “Vent” to really don’t want to hear what we are saying anyways, now we become a pain in the butt or a drag.

It’s alright to let go of the people, places and things that we’re used to. Not saying love is lost, but if we’re looking to elevate, we have to get on the elevator a push the bottom that will take you to the top.

Here’s my point:

We ask God to provide a way, then that’s all we do, just Ask. I’ve realized in my own life this. Asking God, Lord, help me with this, remove that. Didn’t get He was doing so. Introducing me to a NEW approach but I stayed in pity party mode.

Had to really dig up on myself. I was in my own way.

We have to be mindful of what we ask God for and be ready for  His answers. He answers prayers. The question at hand is, How will you respond?

 

Do you have a match?

It’s easy for me to  “Spark” up a conversation with anyone, anywhere and at anytime. Working as a Janitor at the Hartsfield Atlanta Airport contributes to utilizing this gift.

Whenever I’m assigned to police the women’s restroom on a work day, normally I would greet women by saying, “Hello, come on in and have a seat” or  “Come on in, we’re open for business.”These two statements has caused women to crack up laughing. Invited others to add to the sentences, which led to “Sparking” up conversations. They’re “Inviting statements”. 

There we were in a “Public Restroom”, which pretty much has a reputation as a place that people are caution of using because they’re normally in bad shape, but in the ATL restrooms we have a girls night out Shawty.

One time a woman left, then came back and  said to me, “Thank you for being you. I was having a bad day and your joyous spirit helped me.” When she approached me, I didn’t recall seeing this woman enter the restroom that day.I gave her a hug because that touched me. It confirmed that, I was doing something right by sharing the joy I have in my heart.

Here’s my point:

You never know what someone maybe dealing with or going through. Also, you never know who is listening and watching.

When you have  “Joy in your heart”, share it with others.It won’t hurt to “Spark” up a conversation.

 

Ask the right questions

Back home in Philly, in my early 20’s, can’t remember exactly how but was reintroduced to an old flame. This man was incarcerated at the time.

To go back when we first met, this man was like my knight in shining armor. He came to my defense when my sons father set a car I brought on fire and he wanted to pretty much beat me up, since he saw me with another man. Not to mention, he was in a relationship with another woman and brought her to fight me. That day, as a matter of fact that whole week was crazy. I was only 18 at this time and still in High School.

Getting back to me and this man. We wrote letters, talked on the phone, and I went to visit him in prison, for about a year or so. He seemed to be “The One”. We even share the same birthday.

We made plans to get married and everything. I introduced him to my children. A little while after he was released he moved in with us. This was AFTER his other plan was already in motion.

He convinced me I was the only woman in his life, BUT, from my understanding, this man was seeing another woman. The two were robbing local stores and banks. And to make matters worse, people in the neighborhood thought I was the woman alongside of him.

I had no clue. It wasn’t until I got a phone call, saying he’d been arrested and to turn on the news. There was video footage of a man and woman robbing a bank. I can’t say  it was him in the footage, but from what I last heard he is serving 80 plus years in prison.

The point of sharing this is not to belittle this man. He was a very good dude, had a good heart but sometimes people can become a product of their environment, so people only do what they know.I don’t blame him for anything.

This is to express, how I realized I was looking at love in the wrong way and reasons.

I felt indebted to this man for having my back the first time we met. Went along with pursuing the relationship out of obligation, plus I was lonely.

But I had to go through these things to understand the importance of knowing what I am looking for in a relationship. I needed to ask myself the right questions. Like self, What are your expectations when trying to build a relationship?Can you both be friends after he’s been in jail 8 years already? Can he be institutionalized?(Just to name a few)

After going through a rough time with being humiliated, angry, tired of people asking me about money I didn’t know about or have, God gave me the strength to pick myself back up again and move on.

Proverbs 2:7

” He stores up sound wisdom for the upright: He is a shield to those who walk in integrity”

 

 

Daily Prompt: Dilemma

via Daily Prompt: Dilemma

Back on December 16, 2006 , I had an experience that changed my life. It was one of those situations of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In my hometown of Philly, I grew up in an area called Da Bottom. It was just that. Full of good and bad times.It’s apart of town where everything goes on drug dealing, shootings, robberies, killings you name it, was and is there.

On this night I was getting myself ready to have a good time with my co-workers the next day. We were having a Christmas party. I never made it to the party.

Was on my way to one of the local stores, when all of a sudden shooting broke out. I ducked in front of a van until it stopped, then it started again. So I ran back towards my apartment complex.

Once I got into my apartment complex, started feeling pressure in my lower back. Took one hand to feel, only to see the palm of my hand full of blood. I’ve been shot in the back.

Thank God, I survived. Had to go to physical therapy for a few months to get my body back in shape, but my mental state was all out of shape.

I was living in fear. My thoughts were all over the place. Were the shooters looking for me? Would they try to kidnap my kids so I wouldn’t snitch?  I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown.

The idea of relocating to another state was brought to my attention by a co-worker. Did my research on Atlanta, GA. It took about a year or so to get everything in order. Only to find out I needed to have permission from the state to relocate my daughter. Here’s where the DILEMMA kicks in.

There was a Child Custody and Child Support order in place with me and my daughter’s father. There had to be a court hearing in place BEFORE I could relocate with her. The court calendar was booked for the whole year.

I spoke with my daughter’s father to see if we could negotiate, no luck. I had already made arrangements with the house in Atlanta, Georgia. I paid the security deposit, had furniture, food. Found out about the schools, bus line, had things in order. Accept, the court hearing date.

I had no clue what to do. Didn’t want to get into any trouble for kidnapping or anything, but at the same time I was going to lose my mind if I stayed. The only thing I could think to do is leave and take my chances with the courts.

So we left for Atlanta,Georgia. That was on April 1, 2008, and we are still here. It turns out, magically I was able to get a court hearing date June 2008. We came back for court. My daughter’s father didn’t show up because he had a bench warrant out for non-payment of child support.

The judge read my petition. Granted me permission. She also expressed to me  had my daughter’s father shown up she would have had him arrested. Also, it was a good thing I was doing for me and my children and said Don’t let anybody tell me anything different.

The hearing last for about 15 minutes. Case closed.

Baby momma drama

I was watching Stevie Harvey show today. A woman got up seeking advice pertaining to an uncomfortable situation she had been facing for quit some time.This woman is married and her husband’s family would host family gatherings. On the invite list was his Ex-Wife for each gathering.

From listening to this woman and reading her body language it was evident, she’d felt uncomfortable and displaced. She mentioned she would isolate herself from the party behind these feelings. Like go in the kitchen and do dishes or something.

This took me back to a time where I’ve felt this form of discomfort. I was never married to my son’s father but we had a relationship and a son. After we broke up, when my son was very young, it took some time but I got over it.

Here’s how it felt uncomfortable for me. At that time me and my sons grandmom lived right next door to one another (For years). We could  open our doors and literally see in each other’s apartments. We did that a lot. During that time, in the projects we lived in, it was a thing we could do.

At that time we did have a good relationship, despite her son and I not being in one. She acknowledged me as her grandson’s mother. I truly appreciated that. However, I couldn’t understand how it was okay for her son to have a current girlfriend over and he’d just walk pass his son and  I as if we did not exist.

Not sharing to discredit her or him but instead, sharing my “Emotional status”. It was very uncomfortable. Weird energy I had to face, and looks. Even senseless arguments.

It was even weird for my son’s father because he had to prove a point to his current girlfriend him and I weren’t “messing around”. That was a portion of why he wasn’t in our son’s life as much as he should have been.

This one girlfriend was a trip, had to the nerve to knock on my door.At an inappropriate time of night, drunk talking crazy ready to fight.I was mad so, we fought. The thing was him and I were not together, and they weren’t either. He only gave me and ride to the store that night.But it made sense after deep thought, I had something she didn’t, a son by him, and she had a problem with that.

Here’s my point:

I never did any harm or say anything bad to this woman, but it didn’t matter. I had to realize this woman was envious of  my position as baby mom. From her negative actions towards me,she wanted the role of baby mom and/or wifey.

Not sure the reasons behind their break-up, but she was angry, and took it out on me. I realized this woman would rather create animosity towards me, instead of just simply moving on with her life.

For me I had to check myself as well. I can’t control who likes me or not, but I can control how I respond. I was mad at myself after I went toe to toe with this lady. But you know what each time I saw her after that, I just walked in the opposite direction. Never had any more issues with her since then.