Ask the right questions Part 2

On my October 26, 2016 entry,  I shared a story entitled Ask the right questions. Which was along the lines of questions I should have asked myself before moving forward in the relationship at that time.

Within Ask the right questions Part 2″, I’d like to share a few questions I’ve asked myself, for myself, to form a BETTER relationship and understanding of myself. I’ll start with this question, What would I Love to do? The answer to this question is, I would Love to talk.

I read an interesting quote by Abraham Lincoln it reads, Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe”.

This quote resonates with the question I asked myself. It seems Abraham Lincoln may have asked himself too. What would I Love to do?

Maybe he said, “I would love to chop this tree down in the allotted six hours given”. These simple six words opened the door for the next question. What should I do First? In his case the sharpening of the axe.

To give a little background about Abraham Lincoln. Before he became President of the United States, he was recognized as a skilled woodcutter. Also he has been known to practice his secret to  success. Using  the sharpest tools to get any job or task done. The end results, were productive.

When asking oneself, What would I love to do? To reach an answer,  pick up, sharpen and use your most important tool. The Mind.

Referring back to the four hours Abraham Lincoln used to sharpen the axe, my first thought was this sounds tiresome. However, this was the most important part of his task, Preparation.

How do you prepare, Start by asking yourself the Right questions. I believe we are gifted with our own personalized gifts. Have you ever realized there may be a few things that come natural to you, without thinking of a way to make whatever it is happen?

For me, I’ve realized my strongest gift(we all have more than one)“,Gift of Communication”.  This can explain my answer to the question, What would I Love to do? Naturally, I can approach anyone respectfully and engage in a conversation. Especially when the other person’s inviting and receptive.

Once I truly embraced my Free Gift( I am all for Free99)Haha, I had some work to do. This work involves more questions, preparation and action.

Here’s a few questions I asked myself:

What are you going to do with this Gift of Communication?

Are you setting time daily to work towards Mastering your gift?

Are you focused?

Is there anything you are “Allowing” to hold you back?(Fear, Anxiety, Procrastination)

Are you being Productive or Constrictive?

Here’s my point:

Ask the right questions!

In my next entry I will discuss the Preparation steps I’ve used and continue to use for the questions I asked myself…

Comments are appreciated!

 

 

 

 

Neighbors, can’t live with them or without them Part 2

In my first post, Neighbors can’t live  them or without them, I spoke of a gentleman I was dealing with during one of the darkest times of my life. Him and I had an argument, and one of my neighbors at the time found it entertaining.

This man humiliated me for no reason at all. This takes me back to that same time with another neighbor who lived directly across from me. We were neighbors for about 3 years.

The thing about this neighbor he was the candyman. His apartment was the complex’s convenient store. You name it he had it for sell. As time went on, it became evident he sold more the candy.

This neighbor was so embedded in this product that some how this information got back to the leasing manager. He was asked to leave. He left being escorted out by the local Marshall department.

So, I am like okay, now there will be peace. No loud music all times out night. People running in and out all times of night. No more people knocking on my door looking for the Candy man or asking me when he’d be back or if he had left me anything to “Sell” for him.(People are something else).

Once he left I thought everything would be everything.I was wrong. One morning about 1 a.m., there was a loud knock on my door. Like a policeman’s knock. I go to look out the peck whole, and it was a policeman.

As I open the door, this police office along with two other MALE police officers ask for a male and he stated the man’s given name. I had no idea to whom he was referring to until I was shown this man’s picture.

In disbelieve it was my neighbor the Candy man. At some point he had gotten into some legal situation and used my address as his place of residence. My neighbors, you gotta love them.

Here’s my point:

Be careful of the company you keep, this includes neighbors.

Don’t just look back, say something

Back home in Philly there’s a concert every year called “The Powerhouse”. I’ve had the opportunity to attend quit a few.

On October 30, 1995, my son’s father and I attended. I can’t recall all of the performers, as a matter of fact I can’t recall any of the them Hahaha. I do recall seeing one of my older brothers that night.

He was in our neighborhood down Da Bottom, standing in front of the Chinese store. My son’s father went into the store, spoke with my brother for a minute or two.

I stayed in the car because our son was in the car seat in the backseat. Looking back on my son I could see my brother, who we called Block (because he had a block head) Hahaha standing on the Chinese store steps.

At that time I was 17 years old, with a month and a half-year old son, still in High School, no job and on welfare. However, I understood my life changed and wasn’t just responsible for myself. I was ready to take on my new role. This is something I wanted to express to my brother.

My brother embraced the fact that I had a child, but hey he was a big brother. He may have been slightly displeased, but he was still there for me.

When my son’s father returned back to the car, I was still looking at my brother I remember saying, I wanna get out and have a heart to heart with my brother. It was just something I felt I should have done. I really can’t explain it I just remember the feeling.

We ended up driving off and I said to myself, I’ll just rap with him when I see him again.

The next time I saw my brother Block, was on November 1, 1995. He had passed away from a drug overdose.

 

Here’s my point:

DON’T JUST LOOK BACK SAY SOMETHING

SHARE YOUR LINK FRIDAY — Betcha didn’t know!

Originally posted on Okoto Enigma: First of all, if you reblog this post you help me, I help you and you help your readers, so everyone wins. Hey everyone; welcome back to my not so new blog subject called “share your link Friday” I did it for the first time last week Friday;?click here to…

via SHARE YOUR LINK FRIDAY — Betcha didn’t know!

I got 99 problems, but GOD isn’t 1

There were two questions brought to my attention today.

Why do you think God allows bad things to happen to good people?

How do you think God wants you to pray in the middle of your pain?

A chapter or two back in my life, I had a lot of things going on. I was stuck. It was hard to find a job, didn’t have any “Real money” to get just the basic necessities, like toilet paper, soap and toothpaste.

Had two friends.They are in a relationship with each other, and are younger than me. However, they’re old enough to live on their own and have children. Asked the two, if my children and I could stay with them. We needed to move out of the apartment complex we lived in at that time.

Went over the Do’s and Don’ts. It was made clear what I can do and can not do financial wise, since I was working on finding a place for me and my children.But if I wasn’t busy, there was no problem watching their children. BUT they took that and ran with it.

It turns out, these people were looking for live in FREE babysitters, maids and a butler(my son was the butler). They became mean spirit people. Picking arguments, started acting funny about food.This people would sit and eat food in our faces and wouldn’t even offer a piece of bread. Would leave their kids in the apartment not even ask if we would watch them, they just left and we had to take the hint.

It got so bad that the”Lady of the house” would hide soap, toilet paper and toothpaste in their room. True story one time the“Lady of the house” threw a bar of soap in the trash, said it had hair on it”.(it didn’t). The lady even took the only T.V. in the apartment, in their room when she was ready to go to sleep every night.Usually when somebody wanted to watch something she wasn’t interested in. We were living in a prison.

This one time, the “Man of the house” wanted to have a one on one talk with me. I said ok. The plan this man had been for me to watch their children while they go to work, for FREE. But I declined to do so. Simply because, I was tired of the mistreatment and we needed our own space. I would not have been able to make any moves if I were stuck in the house watching 2 kids(and they came back whenever they felt like it). 

These people really thought it was okay to schedule my time for me, and were upset because I flat-out told them, Man I am grown as hell, old enough to be y’all mom, ain’t no way in this world or any other world could you ever dictate my time(In that order in that order)in Momma Dee Voice

They knew I needed help with trying to get the finances needed to move into a new place. So I had to hustle and get on my grind, from the muscle.

Well, since I didn’t say, “OK”, the  man hinted if I didn’t watch his kids we would have to leave. Had we left, we would’ve had to stay in a shelter.

To go back a little with the history of me and the two people, as I said they are younger than me. The man started out as a friend of my son. When me and my children moved to Georgia 8 years ago they became best of friends. So, he became my son from another mother, and he called me “Mom”.

He came over all the time, spend the night, played video games with my son, ate well like my children, he was treated like family. I’m from Philly, the “City of Brotherly Love”, so that’s all I know to show.

There were many of times this young man needed a listening ear I was there, a few dollars to help him with his family. Whatever I could do to help I did. No strings attached, or hidden agendas.

So after the hint, I said to myself, SELF you got to get the heck out of there because somebody is going to get hurt and it ain’t gonna be me. Real talk. The nerve of this man, asking so much of me as if I owed him something behind staying at his place of residence for about 2 to 3 months.

But this man didn’t understand, I started out on my own while he was still in Pampers just learning how to walk. I had to make  grown up decisions for myself and a child starting at the age of 16.

I remember how rough it was plenty of times with finding a babysitter and the money to pay the babysitter. Been there done that, while trying to juggle all other obligations, for me was finishing High School back then.( I was in the 10th grade when I had my son)

Tried to help the two  as best as I could, but they were vampire’s. They tried to suck everything out of me, to the point where there would be no room for me to do anything for myself.

My feelings were so hurt and I was angry at the same time. I couldn’t understand why we were being treated like this. But,  I had to keep pushing. About a week later I had a job interview, got the job started about two weeks after that.

During that same timeframe, had another appointment, to participate as a Circle’s Leader with an organization called Circles, I was accepted.

To answer the first question, I feel God uses our pain for good.It was a good thing my children and I stayed with them. It helped us to see their “true colors”. We were shown what a one-sided friendship, and being used looks like first hand. Man people can change like the weather.

People can use your vulnerabilities to their advantage. It was good to see these people didn’t want to see us elevate.Yes, they are haters, like crabs in a brawl.And not to mention, they had a hustlers mentality.

In my opinion, they were hustling backwards.The both of them were  in a dark place. They were trying to hide it, but trying to hide it made them go deeper into that place and it was easier to see.

To answer the second question. I think God wanted me to pray for a peace of mind. He wanted me to pray asking Him to remove the people, places and things that meant me no good, that would cause a stunt in my spiritual growth. He wanted me to pray for the strength, wisdom, and courage to keep Pushing no matter what was going on around me or to me, in the name of Jesus.Amen

There is power in prayer. Now, I have a peace of mind. My kids and I moved got our own place and never returned to that environment and never looked back. Don’t have to worry about toilet paper, soap and toothpaste being hidden or thrown in the trash(I still can’t believe that one).

Since I’ve been participating with Circles, I have an extended family, who has no interest in using me for their own personal reasons.

Everyone in our group has their own story. But what we do have in common is, we are working together to “Thrive”.We give to one another unconditionally because “Team work makes the dream work”.

This story’s intent was not to bad mouth the two or even discredit them. Instead it contributed to  answering the two questions in a way it could be understood by whoever is interested in understanding.

Having my 1 GOD and trusting in Him, walking by faith and not by sight, those 99 Problems exist no more.

2 Corinthians 4:16-17 NLT

“This is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying our spirits are being renewed everyday. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever”.

 

Daily Prompt: Dilemma

via Daily Prompt: Dilemma

Back on December 16, 2006 , I had an experience that changed my life. It was one of those situations of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In my hometown of Philly, I grew up in an area called Da Bottom. It was just that. Full of good and bad times.It’s apart of town where everything goes on drug dealing, shootings, robberies, killings you name it, was and is there.

On this night I was getting myself ready to have a good time with my co-workers the next day. We were having a Christmas party. I never made it to the party.

Was on my way to one of the local stores, when all of a sudden shooting broke out. I ducked in front of a van until it stopped, then it started again. So I ran back towards my apartment complex.

Once I got into my apartment complex, started feeling pressure in my lower back. Took one hand to feel, only to see the palm of my hand full of blood. I’ve been shot in the back.

Thank God, I survived. Had to go to physical therapy for a few months to get my body back in shape, but my mental state was all out of shape.

I was living in fear. My thoughts were all over the place. Were the shooters looking for me? Would they try to kidnap my kids so I wouldn’t snitch?  I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown.

The idea of relocating to another state was brought to my attention by a co-worker. Did my research on Atlanta, GA. It took about a year or so to get everything in order. Only to find out I needed to have permission from the state to relocate my daughter. Here’s where the DILEMMA kicks in.

There was a Child Custody and Child Support order in place with me and my daughter’s father. There had to be a court hearing in place BEFORE I could relocate with her. The court calendar was booked for the whole year.

I spoke with my daughter’s father to see if we could negotiate, no luck. I had already made arrangements with the house in Atlanta, Georgia. I paid the security deposit, had furniture, food. Found out about the schools, bus line, had things in order. Accept, the court hearing date.

I had no clue what to do. Didn’t want to get into any trouble for kidnapping or anything, but at the same time I was going to lose my mind if I stayed. The only thing I could think to do is leave and take my chances with the courts.

So we left for Atlanta,Georgia. That was on April 1, 2008, and we are still here. It turns out, magically I was able to get a court hearing date June 2008. We came back for court. My daughter’s father didn’t show up because he had a bench warrant out for non-payment of child support.

The judge read my petition. Granted me permission. She also expressed to me  had my daughter’s father shown up she would have had him arrested. Also, it was a good thing I was doing for me and my children and said Don’t let anybody tell me anything different.

The hearing last for about 15 minutes. Case closed.