Baby momma drama

I was watching Stevie Harvey show today. A woman got up seeking advice pertaining to an uncomfortable situation she had been facing for quit some time.This woman is married and her husband’s family would host family gatherings. On the invite list was his Ex-Wife for each gathering.

From listening to this woman and reading her body language it was evident, she’d felt uncomfortable and displaced. She mentioned she would isolate herself from the party behind these feelings. Like go in the kitchen and do dishes or something.

This took me back to a time where I’ve felt this form of discomfort. I was never married to my son’s father but we had a relationship and a son. After we broke up, when my son was very young, it took some time but I got over it.

Here’s how it felt uncomfortable for me. At that time me and my sons grandmom lived right next door to one another (For years). We could  open our doors and literally see in each other’s apartments. We did that a lot. During that time, in the projects we lived in, it was a thing we could do.

At that time we did have a good relationship, despite her son and I not being in one. She acknowledged me as her grandson’s mother. I truly appreciated that. However, I couldn’t understand how it was okay for her son to have a current girlfriend over and he’d just walk pass his son and  I as if we did not exist.

Not sharing to discredit her or him but instead, sharing my “Emotional status”. It was very uncomfortable. Weird energy I had to face, and looks. Even senseless arguments.

It was even weird for my son’s father because he had to prove a point to his current girlfriend him and I weren’t “messing around”. That was a portion of why he wasn’t in our son’s life as much as he should have been.

This one girlfriend was a trip, had to the nerve to knock on my door.At an inappropriate time of night, drunk talking crazy ready to fight.I was mad so, we fought. The thing was him and I were not together, and they weren’t either. He only gave me and ride to the store that night.But it made sense after deep thought, I had something she didn’t, a son by him, and she had a problem with that.

Here’s my point:

I never did any harm or say anything bad to this woman, but it didn’t matter. I had to realize this woman was envious of  my position as baby mom. From her negative actions towards me,she wanted the role of baby mom and/or wifey.

Not sure the reasons behind their break-up, but she was angry, and took it out on me. I realized this woman would rather create animosity towards me, instead of just simply moving on with her life.

For me I had to check myself as well. I can’t control who likes me or not, but I can control how I respond. I was mad at myself after I went toe to toe with this lady. But you know what each time I saw her after that, I just walked in the opposite direction. Never had any more issues with her since then.

 

Did you call your mom yet?

When trying to form a romantic relationship, there’s a lot to factor in from both parties. Where you grew up, the era, values. Who raised you, could have been just mom and or grandmom just to name a few.

A key element no matter who you were raised by, emotional support is needed. While in early development stage, if emotional balance is taught and practiced, it’s something that can be utilized once reaching adulthood.

Don’t get me wrong, LIFE can take you here and there for so many different reasons, but there is a way to tap into emotional stability, especially if it had been insulted already.At times it’s not easy, but it is doable if you try.

Emotional connections are essential to building all kinds of relationships. For example a mother and son relationship. Naturally mothers have a connection with their children. However, some times emotional connection isn’t there, for so many different circumstances and situations.

In my posts, “Going along with the flow” and “Neighbors can’t live with them or without them“, I spoke of a man once involved with. In “Going along with the flow“, I mention how I ignored the “Red Flags”. Would like to elaborate on these “Red Flags”.

There’s a saying that makes a lot of sense to me. Was said to me many of times throughout my life, Pay attention to how a man treats his mother. Going back in my mind, pertaining to the time involved with this man, it was evident, he had Mommy issues.

Was told by this man, at an early age he was raised by his grandmom. His mom wasn’t around. Mom was pretty much in her own world. Dad had gone to jail, didn’t want to stay with his step mom because she was mean to him.

It seems at an early age he painted a picture of women and it wasn’t a good one. After being around him for a while, I’d asked him why he doesn’t talk to his mom”. First time, received a convincing sad story that led me to try to help him work through his Emotional Abandonment from his mom.That was the wrong move.

He would get defensive every time after that. I was flat-out told, you don’t know what she did, or what’s going on. I  could see the anger, the edge in his body language.Words and tone of voice, he had some major beef with his mom. From all of this, it meant mind your business.

So, I stopped asking about mom dukes, asked about ex girlfriend’s. For some reason I wasn’t surprised, he had nothing good to say about them either.

Then it all made sense to me I wasn’t any different, he had a huge dislike for ALL women.This man wasn’t a wounded lion-cub, that I could nurse him back from his wounds. It also made me question the reasons, he chose to be in a relationship with me.

He wanted to play my “Hero”. Superman is what I used to call him. As I mention in my posts,”Going along with the flow‘ and “Neighbors can’t live with them or without them“, my life was pretty much all over the place when we met. Was stuck. But once, I started getting my groove back, his masked emotions emerged.

He didn’t like me being able to stand on my own to feet. His PLAN for ME, was to depend on him for everything. Whenever there was a change in his plan because I wanted to better myself, the rage came out. We would pick senseless arguments. His rage took him all the way to another planet.He would come back to planet Earth as if he had no clue he just act a fool for no reason. I think saying something disparaging to me and about me was his favorite.

He needed someone who made him feel, strong, competent,masculine, most of all “NOT A NUT CASE”. I tried all of this, but it had to be crafted the way he wanted it to be. Meaning he had to have control. He was looking for a puppet. But I was the wrong one for the position.

I came to an understanding his emotions were stunned behind him having or the lack of having a relationship with the most prominent woman of his life, His mother.

In all seriousness, he needed therapy. His issues were way above my pay grade, they needed to be brought to the surface and handled. He was trying to hide what was illing him on the inside, but demonstrating a character of charm, heroism, and a deep concern to help someone in need. That was all a LIE.

He was indeed a “Predator”. He needed a woman who was down on her luck.Easy to fool because of her circumstances.

The thing about this dude, he didn’t want to change. He was well aware of what he was saying and doing. He knew he was emotionally detached from the world. Had a temper like one I haven’t  had to deal with up close and personally.Yet he remained the same. Once he realized the “Jig was up” and I was on to him. He had no choice but to let me be and leave me alone forever and a day.

Here’s my point:

DO NOT IGNORE THE “RED FLAGS”