I got 99 problems, but GOD isn’t 1

There were two questions brought to my attention today.

Why do you think God allows bad things to happen to good people?

How do you think God wants you to pray in the middle of your pain?

A chapter or two back in my life, I had a lot of things going on. I was stuck. It was hard to find a job, didn’t have any “Real money” to get just the basic necessities, like toilet paper, soap and toothpaste.

Had two friends.They are in a relationship with each other, and are younger than me. However, they’re old enough to live on their own and have children. Asked the two, if my children and I could stay with them. We needed to move out of the apartment complex we lived in at that time.

Went over the Do’s and Don’ts. It was made clear what I can do and can not do financial wise, since I was working on finding a place for me and my children.But if I wasn’t busy, there was no problem watching their children. BUT they took that and ran with it.

It turns out, these people were looking for live in FREE babysitters, maids and a butler(my son was the butler). They became mean spirit people. Picking arguments, started acting funny about food.This people would sit and eat food in our faces and wouldn’t even offer a piece of bread. Would leave their kids in the apartment not even ask if we would watch them, they just left and we had to take the hint.

It got so bad that the”Lady of the house” would hide soap, toilet paper and toothpaste in their room. True story one time the“Lady of the house” threw a bar of soap in the trash, said it had hair on it”.(it didn’t). The lady even took the only T.V. in the apartment, in their room when she was ready to go to sleep every night.Usually when somebody wanted to watch something she wasn’t interested in. We were living in a prison.

This one time, the “Man of the house” wanted to have a one on one talk with me. I said ok. The plan this man had been for me to watch their children while they go to work, for FREE. But I declined to do so. Simply because, I was tired of the mistreatment and we needed our own space. I would not have been able to make any moves if I were stuck in the house watching 2 kids(and they came back whenever they felt like it). 

These people really thought it was okay to schedule my time for me, and were upset because I flat-out told them, Man I am grown as hell, old enough to be y’all mom, ain’t no way in this world or any other world could you ever dictate my time(In that order in that order)in Momma Dee Voice

They knew I needed help with trying to get the finances needed to move into a new place. So I had to hustle and get on my grind, from the muscle.

Well, since I didn’t say, “OK”, the  man hinted if I didn’t watch his kids we would have to leave. Had we left, we would’ve had to stay in a shelter.

To go back a little with the history of me and the two people, as I said they are younger than me. The man started out as a friend of my son. When me and my children moved to Georgia 8 years ago they became best of friends. So, he became my son from another mother, and he called me “Mom”.

He came over all the time, spend the night, played video games with my son, ate well like my children, he was treated like family. I’m from Philly, the “City of Brotherly Love”, so that’s all I know to show.

There were many of times this young man needed a listening ear I was there, a few dollars to help him with his family. Whatever I could do to help I did. No strings attached, or hidden agendas.

So after the hint, I said to myself, SELF you got to get the heck out of there because somebody is going to get hurt and it ain’t gonna be me. Real talk. The nerve of this man, asking so much of me as if I owed him something behind staying at his place of residence for about 2 to 3 months.

But this man didn’t understand, I started out on my own while he was still in Pampers just learning how to walk. I had to make  grown up decisions for myself and a child starting at the age of 16.

I remember how rough it was plenty of times with finding a babysitter and the money to pay the babysitter. Been there done that, while trying to juggle all other obligations, for me was finishing High School back then.( I was in the 10th grade when I had my son)

Tried to help the two  as best as I could, but they were vampire’s. They tried to suck everything out of me, to the point where there would be no room for me to do anything for myself.

My feelings were so hurt and I was angry at the same time. I couldn’t understand why we were being treated like this. But,  I had to keep pushing. About a week later I had a job interview, got the job started about two weeks after that.

During that same timeframe, had another appointment, to participate as a Circle’s Leader with an organization called Circles, I was accepted.

To answer the first question, I feel God uses our pain for good.It was a good thing my children and I stayed with them. It helped us to see their “true colors”. We were shown what a one-sided friendship, and being used looks like first hand. Man people can change like the weather.

People can use your vulnerabilities to their advantage. It was good to see these people didn’t want to see us elevate.Yes, they are haters, like crabs in a brawl.And not to mention, they had a hustlers mentality.

In my opinion, they were hustling backwards.The both of them were  in a dark place. They were trying to hide it, but trying to hide it made them go deeper into that place and it was easier to see.

To answer the second question. I think God wanted me to pray for a peace of mind. He wanted me to pray asking Him to remove the people, places and things that meant me no good, that would cause a stunt in my spiritual growth. He wanted me to pray for the strength, wisdom, and courage to keep Pushing no matter what was going on around me or to me, in the name of Jesus.Amen

There is power in prayer. Now, I have a peace of mind. My kids and I moved got our own place and never returned to that environment and never looked back. Don’t have to worry about toilet paper, soap and toothpaste being hidden or thrown in the trash(I still can’t believe that one).

Since I’ve been participating with Circles, I have an extended family, who has no interest in using me for their own personal reasons.

Everyone in our group has their own story. But what we do have in common is, we are working together to “Thrive”.We give to one another unconditionally because “Team work makes the dream work”.

This story’s intent was not to bad mouth the two or even discredit them. Instead it contributed to  answering the two questions in a way it could be understood by whoever is interested in understanding.

Having my 1 GOD and trusting in Him, walking by faith and not by sight, those 99 Problems exist no more.

2 Corinthians 4:16-17 NLT

“This is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying our spirits are being renewed everyday. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever”.


Standing on your own two feet

There was a time in my life where I felt alone. Was walking in my own”wilderness” for years. Didn’t have the confidence I once had.

But while in my “wilderness” is where God met me. I’ve come to realize it’s good to be alone. Being stripped of everything I knew, meaning people places and things, helped me to focus on where all my helps comes from.

Was able to realize during my journey, yes there were family and friends who helped me  along the way. For that, I will be forever grateful, but I was becoming too DEPEND on them at times. That was very unfair on my part.

Leaning on people, who had their own situations, ups and downs.Dealing with their own lives. Lost sight of my own gifts that were given to me “FREELY”.

Don’t get me wrong we all need a good support system, but reaching inside oneself, getting a better understanding of oneself is essential to ones personal growth.

The elevator ride

I read a passage about a young lady whose life was turned upside down. She was involved with an older man. To make a long story short, from reading the passage the older man knew the right things to say and do to “HOOK THE YOUNG LADY”.

It turns out the young lady contracted HIV and became pregnant. The older man wanted nothing else to do with her. Did I mention he was married.

This took me back to a time when I was no more than 11 years old. I lived in the projects back home in West Philly. During that time, at that age it was cool to go outside by myself.

Was hanging out in front of the building because my mom could see me while she sat on the porch. Needed to go to the bathroom, yelled up to my mom to tell her I was coming up.

Went into the building the catch the elevator. There was an OLDER MAN who got on too. He pushed his floor, I pushed mine. As we’re going up, this OLDER MAN turned and looked at me and said”Do you want to make some money”. I said, “NO”.

How he asked, it felt weird, scary and creepy. He just kept looking at me, as if he were undressing me with his eyes. As I said I was only 11 years old, this man had to be in his late 40’s early 50’s.

He was getting off before me, when the elevator door opened, he asked me again, I said “NO”. This man had the nerve to ask me if I was sure. I said “yes I’m sure I don’t want to make any money.”

He left never saw him again.

I told my mom and she went all the way to another planet. Not to mention my dad went to two other planets.

I share this because of the young lady. What has happened to her, could have been my situation had I said yes to the older man on the elevator.

I thank this young lady for helping me bring up something I tried to bury.

This is an everybody issue. Sexual predators are everywhere. They use all kinds of techniques. This young ladies story has inspired me to share and ask of others to share.

Most of all PAY ATTENTION TO HOW YOU FEEL. If it doesn’t feel right, no matter how good that watch looks on your wrist.No matter how much you can call on “BIG DADDY” and he’ll come through with whatever you need. That’s BS. “BIG DADDY” just wants to mold you into what he needs you to be ,when he wants you to, until he’s tired of you.

It will help to STOP this cycle by sharing the signs.

What does this man say to you?

When does he say it ?

What time of day or night?

Does he whisper a lot?

Does he even have enough respect for you to call you by your name while on the phone, instead of saying Hey, baby girl? (just to name a few questions to ask)

 Check your mind, heart, and spirit. If 1 of the 3 aren’t in a good space, something ain’t right.

Avoiding these kinds of propositions can be very tough if you come from a broken home. You yourself are broken from always being broke. All kinds of abuse, no real support system. A lot of times kids have to raise themselves, and grow up way before their time. And lean on the street life looking for “LOVE”.

This is the purpose of SHARING our stories. Social media is at an all time high. People share everything. It would be beneficial to countless young ladies to share wisely.