When to take a step back

There have been many occasions in my life when I felt the need to step up to the plate and take a stand for others.

Within myself I said, Self this person needs you to step up and fight for them for many different reasons. I was wrong a few times.

Here’s my point:

I realized I’m not going to be around all the time. I’ve come to realize apart of my ability is to be a leader. As a leader, there will be times where my position is to share, ONLY what I’ve learned.

Sharing is still helping.It helps others think for themselves in hopes of a positive result.

As a leader, I am learning, when to take a step back…

START with your happiness FIRST

We all want to be happy in life. Whether it’s being a happy homeowner. Happily married with children. Happy with the career of your dreams. We also want other’s around us to be happy. Have you ever noticed within yourself, the things we have said and done for other’s, including placing our needs to the back burner?
Let me share a few examples I realized about myself. Being the bearer of other’s happiness.

The Financial Crutch:

I found myself allowing people to depend on me. I would make myself available as if I were a 24 hour 7 eleven’s ATM. Don’t get me wrong, I believe we all need a helping hand every now and then.

It wasn’t until I literally became flat broke, I discovered a few things.
This is when I learned their were people who felt I let them down. A few choice words from both sides were said because of me not being able to “fix” things.

Solution to NOT being the financial crutch:

I can still assist but there has to be a cut off point. Example after going through my budget, let’s say I incorporate $50.00 a month as the allotted amount for financial assistance.
I made a firm decision not to go over this amount. Ensured I’d make it clear to the person(s) I’m assisting the allotted monthly amount is final.

The Emotional Crutch:

What we all have in common as human beings is, we all struggle with something. Some more than others. There were times I found myself having therapy sessions, free of charge. I made those persons problems my problems that I had to fix it. Wouldn’t rest until I did.

I convinced myself, I’m a tough cookie, who can take on anything. I’d be alright when my own personal crisis came up, I got it under control. This way of thinking, was wrong.
At one point never did get around to my own situations. They just piled up. The pile was so high and overwhelming it caused me to become emotionally unstable. This led to making irrational decisions for myself.

Solution to NOT being the emotional crutch:

I had to deal with my own situations and emotions first. The saying is true, how can you help someone else, if you can’t even help yourself first.

Here’s my point:

Within these two examples of the Financial crutch and the Emotional crutch, we need to be able to balance our own situations first. It doesn’t make you a bad, uncaring, selfish person.

When a helping hand is needed, be sure you’re positioned first.
Truth be told, you can’t give what you don’t have. How fair will that be to yourself?

Living in your own world, in the world

Here’s a question that compelled me to share my thoughts.


How have you seen individualism influence families you know?

I did a word search for, Individualism.

One definition reads:The pursuit of individual rather than common or collective interest”.

Here’s a verse which coincides with my thoughts.

Judges 21:25

“In those days there was no King in Israel: every man did which was right in his own eyes.” KJV

From conducting research, it seems individualism can be concerned a controversial philosophy.

From my standpoint, yes we all have to take care and look out for ourselves and our families as best as we can. If you don’t no one else will. BUT, at the same time it shouldn’t be practiced or manipulated in any way where it can cause harm to others in some form or fashion.

Morals  and values are being surpressed.Or just simply doing what’s right isn’t being practiced.A blind eye and deaf ear is pretty popular now a days. Just to add, there are a few situations where minding your business would be best and safer, but in one of my experiences I expressed, minding your business didn’t apply. It was practiced, every man for himself.

Within, “Neighbors can’t live with them or without them, Parts 1 and 2″, I shared situations and circumstances involving a relationship filled with verbal abuse, and humiliation. Also, neighbors whom weren’t so neighborly.

Before proceeding on, expressing my experiences and thoughts.The mission is not to spread malice, judgement or even ridicule towards the people I am referencing in my expressions.

I’ve witnessed how people are the ONLY standards of their own lives. Referring back to my post mentioned above, one neighbor found it entertaining, being publicly humiliated. It seemed her philosophy was, this isn’t my problem or my man, I don’t want to get involved, but I will watch.

The gentleman neighbor with the legal situation, it seemed his philosophy was, this is my problem that I don’t want to be involved with, I need a scapegoat.

Here’s my points:

What’s happened to Mark 12:31

” The second is this, Love your neighbor as yourself”. There is no commandment greater than these.” NIV.

Not saying the lady neighbor had to run out in the street with me throwing jabs and upper cuts to beat the guy down. Nor I am saying the gentleman neighbor had to turn himself in once he was aware of his legal situation that he sent my way. What I would like to say is this form of individualism is something I will not pursue or encourage.

These examples have made  me realize the importance of being apart of a mission geared towards building up our communities because outreach is needed in every area of all our lives. Teamwork makes the dream work.

One of the reasons I am proud to be a Circles Leader of Circles Metro Atlanta East Chapter is simple, I’ve been introduced to an extended family. A family where we all come together from different income levels, backgrounds, walks of life with an understanding of each other’s struggles and aspirations.

I would like to encourage everyone, if you are compelled as I was to answer this question, please do and share. RESPECTFUL discussions and comments are welcomed.